Last names = free money

Alright so I got into Graduate School which is awesome. Amazing. Fantastic. Thrilling.

So now I'm looking for money for the program. Because school isn't cheap. I did get a merit scholarship, which is great, but I may have to start selling my own kidneys to pay for the rest. I did a search on FastWeb to see what was avaliable that didn't require writing a short story about how I would save the world. And I'm filling out the profile and I'm trying to read all the options. The deal with most of these is that the more boxes you are able to check, the more possiblities there are for you to win free money. Now, My mom is a teacher and my dad is a graphic designer and there were no boxes for those options. I did check that I was a girl scout, and what not, and then I see this as an option:

And this my friends, is why I am not going to get any free money. What percentage of people with that last name are going to even use fastweb? And if they do, don't you think they already are rich, because they have such a cool last name? What's the story. I don't understand.

Dear Santa,
Please bring me a pony, money for graduate school, or the legal ability to change my last name to Van Valkenberg.
I have been very good this year.
Love,
Molzee

Meanwhile My mom says I have to marry someone whose last name begins with the letter "D" because she has engraved silver to pass on.

Ahhhh, Merry Christmas To all and To all a Good Night.